Examples of Making Amends in Recovery Addiction Resources

Next time, you’ll be in a better position to accept your shortcomings and align with the path to fix them. Starting the list is the most frightening part of Step 8 of AA, which is why it’s so important to actually do it. You may feel uneasy and worry about whether you can actually make amends, but forget about this for the moment.

Fulfill your promises.

But, by facing reality and the long-term impact of your actions, and making amends to those you’ve hurt, you’re able to make peace with the past and put it behind you and move forward. If you’re on the fence about Step 9, remember that making amends can help you and the other person. There are three main types of amends, and it’s important to recognize which one is appropriate in a given situation.

What’s the Difference between Making Amends and Offering an Apology?

When you make amends, the way you look and feel about situations changes. You can gain clarity about what happened and what should have happened. I am very sorry for stealing money out of your desk in order to fund my drug habit last year. Remembering how I stole from you makes me sad and fills me with shame.

Individualized Treatment Plans

„If I’m spiritually connected to God, I know a taste of heaven. If I don’t tend to my spiritual life, I’ll go to hell–and I don’t mean after I die.” AA and other 12-Step groups also drastically changed the religious landscape of the 20th century with the simple use of the generic „Higher Power” to refer to the divine. „It’s not Yahweh, not God, not anything the church in this country had used before that,” says Tickle. AA created the „I’m hurt; you’re hurt; let’s help each other” paradigm that seems so obvious to us today. „But back then, it used to be if your husband was a drunk, it was because something was not right between you and your God, or him and his God,” says Tickle. „That freedom to share sadness, sorrow, and human weakness and not be condemned was enormously liberating.”

In addition, the program’s tradition of anonymity, meant to curtail personal ambition and pride, means no one individual can ever speak for the program. It is true, however, that exposure to such an egalitarian living amends spiritual organization sometimes turns people off to hierarchical religion for good. For many, 12-Step programs highlight the distinction between „spirituality” and „religion,” and they find religion wanting.

When she found herself unemployed, a friend from OA helped her get a new job at a dynamic parish, where she eventually became a Catholic at Easter Vigil. Through this radical acceptance, people come to see God as loving–a message that may have been preached, but not always modeled, at their churches. In AA, it is no longer an abstract teaching, it’s a lived experience. People involved in 12-Step programs know God loves them because that God has helped them overcome something they previously knew to be impossible to beat.

When and Why Do People Make Living Amends?

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• With these kinds of promises, there may not be enough genuine intention of changing their hurtful patterns and behaviors.
• „I used to have so much shame and guilt, thinking, 'If only I would behave this way, God would love me.’ What I learned from this program is that God loves me, period,” she says.
• Their parent may feel more pain for their addicted child’s inability to get sober than the material items lost due to the thefts.

Sometimes, it’s necessary to make amends to employers or co-workers. Whatever the situation, there are a few ways to get started in the process of repairing wrongs with the people you most care about. Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words. When you make amends, you acknowledge and align your values to your actions by admitting wrongdoing and then living by your principles. On the opposite side of the street are those individuals who simply say, “All of my amends would hurt people. I’m just not going to speak to anyone.” Avoid the temptation to get out of this step.

Crafting Your Personalized AA Amends Script